Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
