Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Congratulations! We have a period
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