Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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