He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
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I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
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Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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