I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
