please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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