You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
