Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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