Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
