That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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