Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize