Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
