I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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