Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(602): View more from Arizona

well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions

(617): View more from Massachusetts

you want 1 or 2 eggos?

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I accidentally burped into my bong.

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(210): View more from Texas

i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"

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(310): View more from California

I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.

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(772): View more from Florida

I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.

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