Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
