Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
