coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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