When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
its liver damage thursday
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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