He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.