So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting