is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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