if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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