I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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