i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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