I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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