if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
