I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
