I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
