This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
