Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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