And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
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