Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
