wanna go halves on a baby?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
