Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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