I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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