you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
