Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
