God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
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