Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
