Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
