May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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