i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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