I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
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