Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm going to jail i love you
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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