I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
