i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
