remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My penis needs a shock collar
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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