So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
