If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
When are your genitals available?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
