I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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