This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
