obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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