he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
