And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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