i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
