He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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