Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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